All The Negative Things Late Night Comedians Had To Say About Donald Trump

Kaitlan Collins | Contributor

Late night comedians were devastated after Donald Trump was elected president on Tuesday, and they used their punchlines to work through their grief.

(Photo: REUTERS/Mike Segar)

(Photo: REUTERS/Mike Segar)

Conan O’Brien

“Today is a really strange day,” O’Brien said. “Half the country is really happy, half the country is somewhere between despondent and furious. … We have been here before. We have had bitter, angry elections for 200 years…the optimist in me chooses to be happy that we have fair and free elections at all.

“The first thing I did this morning was call my old high school bully and congratulate him. Donald Trump got elected president and my job just got easier for the next four years.”

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Seth Meyers

“Well, that was a real grab in the pussy,” Meyers remarked as he opened his show. “I do really feel for the parents who had to explain this to their kids this morning, especially parents with daughters. Because a lot of them, like me, probably thought Hillary would be our first woman president, but she won’t be. But that does mean that someone’s daughter is out there, right now, who will one day have that title.”

“Whoever you are, I hope I live to see your inauguration,” he said as he got choked up.

“I felt a lot of emotions last night and into today; some sadness, some anger, some fear. But I’m also aware that those are the same emotions a lot of Trump supporters felt; emotions that led them to make their choice. And it would be wrong for me to think my emotions are somehow more authentic than their emotions. We’re always better as a society when we have empathy for one another.”

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Samantha Bee

“The Caucasian nation showed up in droves to vote for Trump,” Bee said.

“America is still a great country and it is still worth fighting for. It has Shonda Rhimes shows, peanut butter, and Beyonce, and Lin-Manuel Miranda rap-weeping at awards shows, and it has the beautiful U.S. constitution… We still have millions of nasty women who aren’t going away, and as along as women over 25 are still allowed on television, I’ll be here cheering them on.

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Jimmy Kimmel

“It was a big surprise. I think it was even a big surprise to Donald Trump,” Kimmel said.

“Did you see his victory speech? He didn’t want this. He wanted to win — but he doesn’t actually want to be President… His plan was to go home to Mar-a-Lago, play 5,000 rounds of golf, phone in to Trump TV every morning for 10 years and then die on the toilet!”

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Stephen Colbert

“We’ve got four very interesting years in front of us,” Colbert said.

“There’s no way around it, this is what it feels like when America’s made great again. I was really hoping it would feel better because this sucks.”

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Kaitlan Collins

Contributor

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