Hailey Clauson Is In Mexico And Breaking My Rules About Swimsuits

David Hookstead | Reporter

Hailey Clauson is down in Mexico, and apparently didn’t get the memo about how one-piece swimsuits are bad for society.

The Sports Illustrated swimsuit model posted a photo of herself in Mexico in an all-black swimsuit, and it’s borderline heartbreaking.

A post shared by Hailey Clauson (@haileyclauson) on

I thought Clauson and I were on the same team. I thought we were allies in the fight to end this nonsense of one-piece swimsuits being normalized instead of bikinis.

Look, I’m the biggest fan of freedom on this planet. Of course you have the freedom to wear a one-piece swimsuit. I have the freedom to buy a Prius, but seeing as how my manhood is still something I care about I choose not to.

One-piece swimsuits literally stifle freedom. They cover attractive women, and that’s not something as a proud American I’m willing to allow without speaking up. Maybe this was just a one time error from Clauson because she’s clearly not shy about her body.

A post shared by Hailey Clauson (@haileyclauson) on

A post shared by Hailey Clauson (@haileyclauson) on

A post shared by Hailey Clauson (@haileyclauson) on

A post shared by Hailey Clauson (@haileyclauson) on

I’m a simple man who doesn’t ask for very much. I like cold beer, college football, really nice guns and my supermodels to wear bikinis when near the water. Am I asking for too much with this simple demands? If I am then I’m not sure this is a society I want to live in.

I simply pray that this one-piece swimsuit disease is eradicated before it consumes every attractive woman on the planet.

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David Hookstead

Reporter

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