This Woman’s Existence Makes Me Think I’m Losing My Iron Grip On Wisconsin

David Hookstead | Contributor

I pride myself for knowing all the important stuff that is going on in my home-state of Wisconsin at all times — but I’m starting to think I might be losing my grip.

I was scrolling through the web, as I usually do on a Tuesday, but today was different. I stumbled across a model featured on Busted Coverage named Ellie Hase. At first glance, it just appeared to be another one of the countless women dominating Instagram.

But then I saw something that nearly gave me a heart attack. (SLIDESHOW: 72 Times Sara Underwood Went Topless)

A post shared by Ellie Hase (@ell_hase) on

She listed her home as Wisconsin in her Instagram bio. That, my friends and readers, is indeed a problem.

I know everything about what happens in Wisconsin when it comes to sports, attractive women and the behind-the-scenes brokering at different levels of government. I don’t want to claim my intelligence apparatus rivals that of the CIA, but I also won’t deny it. Or at least I thought it did. (SLIDESHOW: 30 Times Abigail Ratchford Went Topless)

A post shared by Ellie Hase (@ell_hase) on

Has Washington D.C. softened by edges so much that I completely missed a model from Wisconsin? That’s just a flat-out unacceptable excuse for my ignorance and the ignorance of those who are supposed to inform me of this vital information.

A post shared by Ellie Hase (@ell_hase) on

Somebody in my intelligence network is getting fired today. I guarantee that. In the meantime, feel free to enjoy a few more photos.

A post shared by Ellie Hase (@ell_hase) on

A post shared by Ellie Hase (@ell_hase) on

A post shared by Ellie Hase (@ell_hase) on

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David Hookstead

Contributor

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