If Eating Cheese Makes You Sexist Then I’m Proudly The Biggest Sexist Alive

David Hookstead | Contributor

PETA recently came off of the top rope with an insane take for the ages.

I saw some stuff floating around Twitter about how PETA believes cheese is sexist. I initially thought it was a joke or parody. Who could possibly be that stupid? I can’t even begin to explain how shocked I was when I found the “Why Cheese Is the Most Sexist Thing You Can Eat” petition on PETA’s website.

It felt like the world has literally come to a frozen standstill as I read through the petition.

It reads in part:

Can food really be sexist? Yes, when it’s the product of imprisonment, rape, reproductive control, kidnapping, and abuse.

Contrary to popular belief, female cows produce milk only when they’re pregnant or nursing. They make milk for the same reason that human women do: to feed their babies. Cows who are imprisoned on dairy farms are forcibly impregnated through artificial insemination again and again on rape racks. Rape racks. All for your milk, cheese, and yogurt.

Mothers, and all females, deserve better.

Help end violence, reproductive control, and rape of females of animal species who desperately need us to speak up for them. Try delicious plant-based milkvegan cheese, and dairy-free yogurt. Our vegan mentors can answer your questions and help you leave sexism off your plate.

I will personally kill an entire herd of cows if it means that I can have a never ending supply of cheese. You think I’m kidding? Try this one on for size. I’ve had a delicious cheeseburger with some sharp Wisconsin cheddar nearly every day for the past month. If this makes me the king of sexism, then that’s a burden I will be forced to carry. I might not like it, but I’ve certainly never been sad while shoving a juicy cheeseburger in my mouth.

There are a few things in this world I’d kill for, but cheese might be one of them. I grew up in Wisconsin. Some call it the Packers state, some call it the state of beer and cheese, and others simply refer to it as Heaven. Like any rational person, I am willing to defend my resources and assets at any cost. As a Wisconsin native, cheese is worth killing over. Hell, it might be worth dying over. Would I lay my life on the line to ensure that all Americans have access to the best cheese on the planet? I don’t know, but I’d like to believe in a crisis I’d rise to the occasion.

How can I possibly be a sexist when I also just made it clear I’d fight a war on behalf of Americans to enjoy delicious cheese and the freedom of America. Seems like what PETA is actually saying is that they hate America. Let that sink in.

I hunt animals, I eat more meat than any human should ever consume and I’ll be damned if some tree-hugging pseudo-Communist tells me that I hate women because I love cheese. To quote American philosopher Alex Jones, “those are fucking fighting words,” if you come at me with that sexist garbage. For the record, I have at least two female friends. Deal with those facts.

Lastly, what is “plant-based milkvegan cheese, and dairy-free yogurt?” What planet am I currently living on? Did a meteor recently hit and I’m currently in hell? I wouldn’t feed those pathetic excuses for food to a detainee in Gitmo.

I have a simple message for anybody who would willingly consume those foods, and listen carefully because I don’t want you to miss a single word.

WATCH:

One last thing to all you sow-sipping hippies; I’m going to eat the biggest steak you’ve ever seen tonight, and I won’t spend one second thinking about PETA. Suck on that losers.

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David Hookstead

Contributor

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