Nobody’s Safe From Mark Cuban’s Twitter-Nado

Jena Greene | Contributor

It’s about time for Mark Cuban to crash another party in the most iconic way possible.

Six years have passed since Cuban got so drunk after the Dallas Mavericks won the 2011 NBA finals that he actually brought his trophy into the bathroom with him as a chaperone.

It was obviously the highlight of the evening, and Cuban’s drunken antics set Twitter ablaze and even inspired specialty socks to commemorate the Cuban Bathroom Crash.

If this isn’t true American innovative genius, I don’t know what is.

And more recently, Cuban crashed
the trendy Manhattan party venue Le Poisson Rouge during their 1990s theme night.

Partying with mostly 20 somethings, Cuban proved how down to earth he was by declining VIP seating and standing by the stage all night.

Mark Cuban: the billionaire man of the people. A beacon of shining hope in a world of chaos and darkness.

So when he spent the past 48 hours roasting politicians on Twitter, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. The Cubes has claimed Hillary Clinton, Trump, a majority of the Presidential Cabinet, Ted Cruz, and the Uranium One deal as victims.

Remember when Cuban played POTUS in “Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No?” This is pretty much the real-life version of that. He kind of just spins off kilter for a while and claims everyone in his path.

But you can’t look away. And pretty soon you’ve wasted an hour and 33 minutes of your life but you’re sort of ok with it because now you know what’s going on and you’ve determined whether or not you’ll vote for him in 2020 if – just if – he decides to run for President (they always do).

Let’s review. It appears to have started when Cuban was asked for his thoughts on the U.S. and Canada selling a big chunk of its Uranium to a Russian mining company.

In short, it’s cool with The Cubes. The principle of Russians buying our Uranium doesn’t upset him, but he took a shot at the people around the deal anyways.

He says Trump isn’t doing enough and his cabinet is awful. He even calls Hilary “dastardly” (can’t argue with him there). Whose side is this guy on?

This, my friends, is where I welcome you to 2017.

Welcome to 2017. Where big shot billionaires start to get bored with private life. They skim some Wikipedia articles and begin to insert themselves as commentators on public affairs. And sometimes, they get really inspired and run for office.

It’s textbook. And weirdly, it works. I’m actually for it. This is America. Home of the free. Where you can lock yourself in a dark room and watch all the Die Hards back to back one weekend, and you can use an app to order 100 large pizzas from Dominos without having to move more than an index finger. Or you can create a movie about shark tornados and make a cool million on it. Or buy an NBA team and drunkenly urinate while clutching your championship trophy after they win.

This is America, where Donald Trump can drive his golf cart all over his course’s newly manicured green, and Kid Rock can threaten the well being of Democrats’ pantaloons everywhere. So if the Cubes wants to sit around all day drinking Red Bull and trolling politicians on Twitter demanding action, he can. Let’s hear it for Mark Cuban. He’s the symbol of true Americanism we should all aspire to be.

Jena Greene

Contributor

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