Taylor Swift’s New Song Is Nothing Short Of A Dumpster Fire
Taylor Swift’s latest single “Look What You Made Me Do” came out at midnight, and it wasn’t that impressive.
There’s been a ton of hype around Taylor over the past few weeks. First, she deleted her social media accounts. Then she reactivated them and posted a few videos of a snake. Then she teased a release date for her new album “reputation.”
The internet lost its mind.
Apparently, a lot of overly sensitive millennials are clinging to Mariah Carey’s longest running number one “One Sweet Day.” (I wasn’t aware of this because I don’t use iTunes, and I’ve never once in my life heard “One Sweet Day” before.)
But Mariah’s record hit was being threatened by *gasp* a song by men only.
That song would be a certain “Despacito.” And if it holds its number one title for one more week, it’ll beat Mariah’s record.
So everyone wants Taylor’s song to break the internet and squash the men of “Despacito” like the pests they are. How dare they try to serenade a woman in multiple languages!
I’ve been on record saying I dislike Taylor Swift as a general human being, but I generally don’t have a problem with her music. In fact, I typically have one of three reactions when I hear a new TSwift song:
1.) Wow, this is really catchy. Will definitely be playing on a loop for the next few weeks (“Shake it Off”).
2.) I don’t have strong feelings about it, but culture will mandate that it gets stuck in my head at least half a dozen times (“Blank Space”).
3.) This is a literal dumpster fire and I’m losing hope for the next generation (that would be “Look What You Made Me Do”).
I’m just genuinely confused here. This was the song that was supposed to break the internet and beat “Despacito” out for song of the summer?
I mean, I thought Katy Perry’s “Swish” (which is said to be a ballad against Taylor) was bad. But this song? It makes “Swish” feel as deep as freaking Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” as Leo drifts off into the icy cold Atlantic waters at the end of “Titanic.”
Everything about LWYMMD is garbage. Taylor’s lyrics are rarely deep, but I’m usually OK with that. But her latest ones deserve commentary. If you say, “I’m sorry but the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now ’cause she’s dead,” I either expect you to have actually died or to have spent your last 7-12 months on a Buddhist retreat where you had a reawakening and became one with the Himalayas.
But she didn’t do either of these things. She sat at home and thought about how much she hates Kanye West and the 30 other celebrities she’s feuding with.
She didn’t even try to make her song catchy. She sang a few bars and lightly referenced Kim K and Kanye to ensure the song would hit number one. It’s a cheap shot at best and a pile of hot garbage at worst.
Do better, Taylor. Do better.