Wisconsin Vs. BYU: The Badgers Are Going To Drink The Cougars Under The Table

David Hookstead | Contributor

The BYU Cougars are going to get an eye-opening experience today when they play the Wisconsin Badgers, and I don’t mean on the field.

I have no doubt my Badgers will rock and roll in Provo, Utah for the game today. However, it was brought to my attention in an SB Nation article that there might not be enough alcohol in the town for the Badger fans that make the trip for the game. In fact, there are only a total of two bars in Provo.

That’s bad news for my friends in Utah. That’s not nearly enough alcohol to supply and support the elite drinking levels of drinking born and bred in Wisconsin. I saw it first hand. I lived through it.

The game kicks off at 3:30 EST, and I’ll be shocked if those two bars still alcohol left. Two bars is insanity. Twenty bars wouldn’t be enough to supply the fans of the Badgers coming to town.

I’m sure the people in Utah have heard about what Wisconsin is like, and some probably look at it with horror. However, Wisconsin people pride themselves on the best qualities of our drinking abilities. We’re just like the most elite quarterbacks, who are judged on how they hold up in the fourth quarter. When everybody else is passed out during the game, the Wisconsin men are asking for another beer and to turn the game up.

Our abilities are unquestioned, our stamina is unrivaled and we simply won’t be outdrank by anybody. During my time at the University of Wisconsin we would had game day marathons of drinking. From sun up until one or two in the morning people would hammer beer and mixers. I had roommates who could drink a 30 rack of Busch Light, head over to the bars for four hours and return home to play video games for a little bit longer. My friends, that takes talent you simply must be born with.

That’s what our opponents don’t understand. Pray for Provo’s two bars because they’re going to need a miracle today to make it through without running dry.

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David Hookstead

Contributor

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