I’m Afraid I Might Be Losing My Crusade Against One-Piece Swimsuits

David Hookstead | Reporter

I’m starting to wonder if my crusade against the cancer of one-piece swimsuits is a losing battle.

I knew this mission was going to be tough. The chances were daunting. I pursued because heroes don’t care what the odds for victory are in a righteous fight. As Han Solo said, “Never tell me the odds.”

It’s safe to say things aren’t going well at all. For a time I thought I had made some substantial impact. It looked like more and more models were opting for bikinis. Victory felt like it was close.

Things are no longer so certain. The one-piece swimsuit is creeping back, and we might have anarchy on our hands pretty soon.

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I’ve made it crystal clear that I’m the biggest advocate for the rights of hot women on the planet. They obviously have the freedom to choose a one-piece swimsuit over a bikini, but why would they?

Going with a one-piece is like choosing to be a doctor over an NFL quarterback. You can be successful either way, but what kind of person wouldn’t prefer NFL quarterback?

If I go down in the this battle before I am capable of pulling out a victory, just remember that I gave it my all when nobody else would. Props to me for carrying this banner into battle.

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David Hookstead

Reporter

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