It’s the start of a new year, and that means we’re going to have plenty of the “new year, new me” garbage to deal with.
There are lots of things that annoy me. I get annoyed when my Mountain Dew isn’t cold in the morning, when the refs screw the Detroit Lions like its their job, when a bar doesn’t carry Miller Lite and a variety of other things. However, none of those things annoy me as much as the morons who run around saying dumb stuff about how it’s a new year and they’re changing their lives.
No they’re not.
A clock simply striking midnight and a day changing isn’t going to change your life. It’s just not. Also, why is everybody in such a rush to do this motivational stuff every single year? It makes no sense to me. You know what my life motto is? New year and the exact same me.
Why the hell would I want to ever change? I just spent the last two weeks eating nothing but cheeseburgers, blowing stuff up with custom-made guns and surviving -20 degree weather in the Wisconsin countryside. Why would anybody want to change anything about that?
This fake motivational garbage needs to come to a quick end. Embrace the chaos. I promise life will be a lot more fun. Just do whatever you want. You want to drink a case of beer? Go for it. Want to drop $4,000 on a custom AR-15 build? I’m cheering for you. Want to eat nothing but red steak? Shoot for the moon. Do whatever you want, forget all this wellness junk, crack another beer and give society the finger if they don’t like it.
Only a complete idiot or loser would want to change where we’re at after all the winning we’ve been doing. I have zero interest in giving up any of my habits. That includes the good and the bad. I plan to continue taking my rightful place as king of the internet, drinking way too much beer, keep blowing stuff up, continue to be the most passionate Badgers fan on the planet and all the other debauchery that has made me who I am. There is zero chance I’m changing. I don’t care if it’s 2018 or 3018. Don’t like it? That’s okay. I’ve got a simple message for you.