Sports

Saturdays Without Football Are The Absolute Worst

(Photo by Gene Sweeney Jr/Getty Images)

David Hookstead Sports And Entertainment Editor
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It’s a Saturday, there isn’t any football on television and it’s killing me.

I’m literally sitting on my couch right now possibly dying of a sickness, and honestly I wouldn’t be too upset if I succumbed to my illness. The afterlife might be a better place than a weekend day without football.

Our Founding Fathers almost certainly would have added an extra amendment to the Bill of Rights if they knew a couple hundred years down the road that millions of Americans would be thirsting for some play-action tight end passes, blitzes and grind-it-out running styles, but would be relegated to not watching football.

You know who else isn’t watching football today? The communist North Koreans and ISIS. Do we really want to do anything that ISIS and Kim Jong Un are also doing? Absolutely not. It’s disgusting.

It’s also lonely. Waking up on Saturdays used to give us all a purpose. We weren’t crushing beers because we wanted to. We were crushing beers to signal to the rest of the world that we stood behind our teams. Now, we literally have no reason to drink during the day on a Saturday. The thought alone makes me shudder with depression.

August can’t get here fast enough. I need my Badgers, I need women dressed in the colors of their teams, I need cold beer and I need football on my television from the moment I wake up until I go to bed. Nothing less will satisfy my expectations because this is the USA, and Americans always go big.

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