Take a stroll through any bucolic New England village around this time of year and you’ll be met with familiar scenes of towering oak trees, crisp air, and a renewed optimism for springtime. Church steeples, a village green, maybe the sound of children playing in a nearby park. The Northeast is magical around this time of year.
Except if you’re in Boston. If you were to take a jaunt through, say, the Charles River Esplanade, a formerly beautiful 3.5 mile public park overlooking the Back Bay, you might mistake it for the Soviet Union.
Because the Charles River Esplanade is now banning all Philadelphia related memorabilia in preparation for the Super Bowl, where the New England Patriots will face off against the Philadelphia Eagles.
Michael Nicols, the executive director of the park, explained the decision in a press release this week.
“We realized that appearing in a Super Bowl for only the third time – and first time since losing to the Patriots in 2005 – was disorienting for Philadelphia fans and that clarity on acceptable items to bring in our park should be offered. Given the Patriots are appearing in their record-extending 10th Super Bowl, we understand this information may not be needed by most park visitors.”
Effective today through Monday, February 5, the Esplanade Association announces a series of rule changes to ban Philadelphia-Themed Products in the Park. pic.twitter.com/KX4YkRaqpP
— Charles River Esplanade (@EsplanadeBoston) January 23, 2018
Anything remotely Philly related is a no-go. That means Philly cream cheese, any Eagles apparel, soft pretzels, cheesesteaks, the color midnight green, Will Smith, Sylvester Stallone, the Liberty Bell, and anything with a bald eagle on it.
It’s probably a safe bet to say that Boston is officially cracking. If you’re banning Liberty Bells and bald eagles, what’s next? American flags? The Constitution? I knew Massachusetts was liberal, but I wasn’t expecting them to just come out and ban America one day. I expected it to be a more gradual process and I definitely thought Elizabeth Warren would be involved.
But while some people are freaking out about the ban, I’m just gonna sit back and enjoy. Boston is clearly so paranoid about losing to the Eagles next Sunday that they’re already preparing for the sweeping Philly fever by purging their parks of it.
And, you might ask, what’s Philly doing?
They’re just leaning into their fandom and serving them “greased pole” confections.
ICYMI This doughnut from @dottiesdonuts was made in honour of the Philadelphia @Eagles fans who climbed the city’s greased poles https://t.co/Nn8pVTkPXA pic.twitter.com/ZWJv7RlmY4
— As It Happens (@cbcasithappens) January 23, 2018
You tell me which city feels more free.
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Full Disclosure: *The Daily Caller is a pro-Patriots office that fully recognizes and honors the historic achievements of Bill Belichick and Tom Brady, and I therefore acknowledge that I run the risk of losing my job once this article goes live. It ultimately doesn’t matter because I love my team enough to let them ruin my life.*