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North Dakota Pulls Off Shocking Upset, Beats Out Wisconsin For Drunkest State

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David Hookstead Sports And Entertainment Editor
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A new study from the CDC has pegged North Dakota as the drunkest state in America and Wisconsin is slotted as second.

Nearly a quarter of adults in each state “drink excessively,” according to the results of the study.

This is pretty disappointing for me if I’m being honest with all of you. I had no idea that we would lose, and then to lose to North Dakota is just so disappointing. North Dakota? Are you kidding? Wisconsin still has seven of the top 10 drunkest cities, including the entire top four. That’s simply just not good enough for me.

Being a Wisconsin man is all about being a winner. We will never tolerate a loser. Look, we party harder than you do, drink harder than you do and have a better time than all of you do. Or, that’s at least what I thought the truth was.

Now it turns out that North Dakota goes harder, according to this study. Very unfair! Very sad! I’ll let Kenny Powers step in and explain my message a little bit better.

I dare anybody from that nerd organization of the CDC to come to Wisconsin and tell my people we don’t drink. I guess we’ll just have to crank up for next season. We’ll see who gets the last laugh. Like I said, we win at everything and this won’t be any different.

Don’t worry. I’ll also be cracking an extra beer tonight just to prove a point. You think those losers in North Dakota will be doing the same? I highly doubt it.

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