Successfully Made It To 26 Years Old, The Empire Building Rolls On

David Hookstead | Reporter

I’m just as surprised as all my critics that I somehow successfully managed to make it to 26 years old.

That’s right. I went to bed last night, and woke today as a man celebrating his 26th birthday. I’d like to take this time to thank all the critics and haters who said a steady diet of beer, Mountain Dew, steaks, burgers, brats, pizza, chicken wings, Chipotle and Culver’s would put me in a very early grave. Shoutout to everybody who thought my diet would kill me. I hate to disappoint.

I’m still (hardly) kicking, and it looks like that won’t end any time in the very near future. Yes, I very nearly died last week, but I still managed to survive and produce content. Most men would have begged for the grave with how sick I was, but I’m not most men. Props to me.

Now, there have also been some very important life defining moments that I’ve experienced in 26 years of adventures on this beautiful planet.

The first one would be when I was nine years old and said I wanted to play in the NBA. I was quickly told that there’s no room for unathletic white boys in the NBA. I resisted this advice, but finally caved in after averaging less than two points per game my senior year. Turned out my family was right. I would have to find a different way to dominate the narrative.

Enter phase two when I was asked to build The Smoke Room into something the world had never seen before. Some people would probably tell you that what I’ve done isn’t overly impressive, and anybody could do it. Oh, my dear friends, I beg to differ. There’s 32 different starting quarterbacks in the NFL, and there’s only one Editor-in-Chief of The Smoke Room. These are simply facts and numbers. You can tell me which is more impressive. At my age, Michael Jordan had zero championships and zero websites to oversee. I’ve got zero championships and one website to run. Again, you can tell me who has had a more impressive career.

We’ve come a long way, and we’re doing something the internet has never done before. Now, 25 year old David Hookstead would tell you guys how we have the funniest content, the hottest women, the freshest takes and a whole lot more. That’s what I would have done as a young 25 year old kid. I’m not a kid anymore. I’m a 26 year old mature man, and men don’t feel the need to point out our accomplishments. I’ve done a lot of growing up in the past 24 hours, and definitely don’t need to remind everybody that I chat with porn stars about tons of topics. A lesser mature Hookstead would have wanted everybody to know that point. Let’s not make a big deal about it and just move on.

I don’t know what the future holds. Hell, I’m honestly shocked I haven’t had a heart attack yet. I guess those genetics are way more valuable and better than maybe anybody ever thought. All I know for sure is that we’re not slowing down this train. We’ve been crushing our opponents at every turn, making people laugh, blowing some stuff up along the way and we’ve been having a hell of a lot of fun getting it done. A Mountain Dew and burgers heart attack might be on the horizon, but until then, I’ll keep cranking out content.

Now, I need to grab a beer and get this party started.

P.S.: here’s one final message from my guy Kenny Powers. Have a great day.

Follow David on Twitter

David Hookstead

Reporter

Trending

The Internet Is Melting Down Over Kanye And Drake's Twitter Beef. Here's What's Going On
This Model Proves Lingerie And Football Are The Perfect Combination
This Model's Underwear Photo Is Breaking The Internet
Celebrate Savannah Chrisley's Birthday With Her Best Instagram Shots [SLIDESHOW]