The Smoke Room’s State Of The Union: The Rise Continues

David Hookstead | Reporter

Ladies and gentlemen, it has been far too long since I addressed the troops.

The President of the United States gives a yearly State of the Union address and speaks to the nation during monumental moments in this country’s history. I like to come to you in the same times.

Much like a benevolent dictator, I prefer to remain as a loving face instead of a talking head. Here’s the situation. The Smoke Room’s domination has been cranked up to new levels. Yes, I lost my second in command, who has transitioned to a new job. My vice president has been taken off the chess board. Most men would freeze in times of chaos and do nothing but panic. I’m not most men. I rise with the chaos.

I ordered my loyal soldiers on the front lines to push forward. There would be no retreat, despite the fact we lost a good man from the team. Besides, we have added talent, and I pity the idiots who doubt our resolve to provide the best content on the internet.

Nobody is better at providing a mixture of sports, hot takes, women, guns, beer, explosions and a good time. The “experts” said what we do was dying out.

Our growing fanbase would beg to differ. We’re winning this fight, and it’s not even close. It’s time to get on board or get out of the way.

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David Hookstead

Reporter

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