The Washington Capitals Parade Was Awful. There’s No Excuse For The Abomination

David Hookstead | Reporter

Editor’s note: We rarely disagree with David Hookstead’s takes, but he must be hungover today. We love this team and loved the parade. It was perfect. 

I went to the Washington Capitals Stanley Cup parade today, and that’s two hours of my life that I will never get back.

Championship celebrations and parades are something I’ve been through many times throughout my life. Hell, I was borderline raised in championship celebrations. That’s what happens when you’re born with the pedigree I have. You’re just born a winner. You’re born a champion. (SLIDESHOWHOCKEY RINKS MIGHT BE COLD, BUT THESE WOMEN ARE SCORCHING HOT)

So, with my vast knowledge of the subject, I can safely say the parade today in D.C. was pathetic.

Holding a championship parade is absurdly easy. Put everybody on fire trucks or open-top buses and zip them through the streets. It shouldn’t take forever. All the athletes should be split up between one or two vehicles. Keep it simple and keep it smooth.

That’s not what the Caps did today. I went with the sole purpose of seeing Oshie and Ovechkin. Oshie was clear as day and throwing the fans plenty of love. Ovi and the Cup? I didn’t see them and nobody we were with saw them, either. I know they were there, but not having them front and center is an embarrassment beyond explanation.

I am so frustrated and angry. I spent two hours cooking in the sun. Two hours! Who is going to give me that time back?

D.C. had over two decades to prepare for today, and they still managed to screw up. It’s almost like the city’s sports are a mirror of our government. The incompetence is mind-boggling.

It’s even more embarrassing for me as an actual champion in sports and life. I notice the errors. I notice the screw ups. Watching nonstop buses crawl by with only a couple athletes on each was like having a knife shoved into my stomach. Just awful. Fire everybody who knew about this plan and allowed it to happen. They all need to be on the unemployment line tomorrow.

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David Hookstead

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