It’s The Time Of Year For Fantasy Football. This Is Why We Prepare To Do Battle

David Hookstead | Reporter

The time for fantasy football has arrived, and that’s great news for Americans everywhere.

Fantasy football is a time-honored tradition that millions of patriotic men and women take part in every single football season. We spend countless hours going over our notes, our briefings and doing whatever it will take in order to get an edge. As long as the ends justify the means, I am willing to let anything go. It’s why we drink beer, eat wings, eat burgers and never draft sober. It’s what we train for.

Hell, I might be willing to kick my nonexistent kids out of the will if it meant that I could move up a few draft spots in order to make the right picks. Nothing is off limits in order to hoist the family trophy.

I’ve been playing in my family league since its inception years ago, and have suffered too many heartbreaking losses in the finals to count. It’s so damn frustrating. (RELATED: MATTHEW STAFFORD’S 2017 HIGHLIGHTS ARE PRETTY MUCH STRAIGHT UP FOOTBALL PORN)

Yet, I persevere. Is this year the year that I finally win? Will my team not fall apart for once right at the end? Will I etch my name in the history books forever? I firmly believe so. There are two kinds of men on this planet. There are winners and losers. I’m a winner, and I intend on putting my name on our family trophy come the end of the year. Get on board or get the hell out of my way.

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David Hookstead

Reporter

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