Ladies and gentlemen, I’m happy to announce I have secured a steady flow of Busch Light to my new location.
Last Friday, I pulled up my roots and moved to a new location. It felt like the right thing to do for many reasons, and I’m very happy with the decision. (RELATED: David Hookstead Is The True King In The North When It Comes To College Football)
Unfortunately, there was just one problem that quickly presented itself. No liquor or grocery store in the area sold Busch Light.
Literally not a single one, and I know that because I visited them all after finding them on Google Maps. Obviously, this was a serious crisis that had to be immediately fixed.
Call it my own Cuban Missile Crisis. I was at the brink.
Luckily, there is a liquor establishment not too far away from my location, which will remain classified for the time due to security protocols.
I went in with a big smile on my face and my negotiating hat on. I asked to speak with the owner, had a quick chat and he agreed to provide me with a steady stream of Busch Light starting as early as Wednesday morning.
WAY TO GO DAVID!
— Busch Beer (@BuschBeer) March 30, 2021
I don’t know what it felt like for American and Soviet leaders to negotiate the end of the Cuban Missile Crisis, but I have to think it felt something like what I went through Tuesday.
The stakes couldn’t have been higher. The empire I’ve built is fueled by caffeine, the hatred my enemies show me and ice cold Busch Light.
Remove one pillar of my success and everything could come collapsing down.
Luckily, a massive crisis has been avoided because I used my awesome (some say legendary) negotiating skills. So, the beer will continue to flow and the empire will continue to expand. When they write a book about all of this, I sincerely hope the Busch Light Crisis of 2021 gets a full chapter. The situation certainly deserves it.